Blood Faith Page 8
Not that he expects to find all that much, because even in such luxurious surroundings, it seems like Xavier leads a very utilitarian life. There’s no stamp of personality on the apartment; no library full of beloved books, no prints on the walls.
In a desk drawer Adrian finds a stack of yellowing black-and-white photographs. The next drawer down reveals several photo frames without pictures in them, and an empty photo album still wrapped in plastic.
He looks through the photos, setting the other things aside for the time being. There’s shots of brownstone townhouses with visible fire escapes, the kind of terrain that’s familiar to Adrian. The cars and fashions and haircuts are different, but it’s the kind of neighborhood he recognizes.
Several of the pictures are of a group of children posing together, their clothes worn and patched but their smiles mischievous and happy. Another photo shows a little boy and a little girl sitting with Santa Claus under a sign reading CHRISTMAS 1941. Yet another shows a woman, her hair perfectly curled, standing together with the same little boy and little girl, as well as one of the boys from the photo of the group of older kids.
There are more photographs, all of them equally old and fragile. Really, they should be digitized to preserve them, but putting them away is still better than leaving them as they are.
Adrian unwraps the album and begins adding the photos to it, trying to order them by as chronologically as he can manage by guesswork. He wonders if the children in the group photos are the ones Xavier went to war with, the ones who didn’t come back. He wonders if the boy with them and also with the family in other pictures is Xavier himself, a lifetime and a death ago.
From the way Xavier talks about how hard the war hit him, and from the fact that he became a vampire just two years later, Adrian thinks that in a very real way… none of the boys in the photo came back, including Xavier. They were all lost.
It seems sad that Xavier wanted to honor his past but just couldn’t take all the steps, getting stuck halfway with all the pieces in the drawer and ready for assembly, but nothing complete and put together.
Adrian hopes it’s okay he’s helping him to take that step. Sometimes people just need a little push to do things, even things they want to do.
It’s a while into the project before Adrian realizes he hasn’t thought at all about hunting for a way to escape. That’s what a person who wasn’t crazy would do with an opportunity like this, right?
But instead of doing the reasonable, sane thing, Adrian finds himself wondering what things would be like if he just… didn’t think about escaping anymore. Would Xavier eventually get sick of playing house and kill him?
Maybe what’s happened with Lennon will remind Xavier what a bad idea this kind of situation is. The dangers that come from having a human.
Should Adrian bring it up? Ask what Xavier intends to do with him? He’s afraid of what the answer might be. Maybe Xavier’s going to be furious that he framed the photos.
But when Xavier gets home and sees Adrian’s handiwork, it doesn’t seem like he’s furious. It’s hard to say for certain, because it’s Xavier and that means he only shows emotion exactly as much as he wishes to, but Adrian thinks he might be touched.
“These were my friends. We were the neighborhood’s terrors when we all got together,” he tells Adrian, gesturing to one of the ones Adrian decided to frame — the group of kids all laughing together.
Then he gestures to the one of the little boy and the little girl sitting with Santa. “That’s my younger brother and sister. Twins. I loved helping to look after them when they were small. It made me feel so important, so loved,” Xavier goes on quietly. “I think that was the happiest I’ve ever been, watching them grow up.”
The soft, fond tone of Xavier’s typically cool voice, and the gentle memories he’s imparting, fascinates Adrian. His own childhood had been frightening and lonely, because Lee wasn’t all that great a brother even before everything happened, and his mom was always working.
Adrian had always known that she loved him, and that was why she worked so much, but it had meant they didn’t get a lot of time together. He’s never had the kind of experiences Xavier’s speaking about with such warm nostalgia.
“Thank you,” Xavier says now, giving Adrian a look of deep gratitude. “This was… this was a very kind thought.”
Adrian’s ears go hot at the kind words. “Don’t mention it,” he manages to reply.
21
XAVIER
Emelie groans in annoyance, tossing her pen down on the desk like a petulant teenager. “Isn’t this what real estate agents are for? They’re agents that you pay so that you don’t have to deal with real estate?”
Xavier pats her shoulder in mock comfort. “There there. You’ll survive somehow.”
Despite her complaints, she’s treating the expansion plans with the same thought and care she always brings to official matters. Her eye might be puffy and red from the tears she’s shed, face wan from the blood she’s given Lennon to bolster his newborn strength, but when it comes to work she is, as always, the consummate professional.
“Pass on that one,” she says, making a note on one of the print-outs in front of her. “I know the current owner. I can convince her to work with us; we’ll lease it instead of buying and still have cash flow to outright purchase smaller premises for less legitimate imports. There’s no reason to pay premium for an illicit space if we’re holding ordinary legal product in it.”
He nods. “I’ll see about smaller warehouses, then.”
“Great, thank you.” She sighs, leaning back, letting a little of the tension drain from her shoulders. “So, Lennon and Winter think that Adrian’s nice.”
“Lennon thinks almost everyone’s nice, and Winter’s always polite.”
“Hm, true,” Emelie concedes with a sad smile. “I’d like to properly meet him myself sometime, you know. When things aren’t in the middle of a crisis.”
“Is that an order?” he asks, a small curl of nervousness dancing in his gut. Emelie rarely invokes her right to make him do things, but there have been times over the years when she’s found it necessary.
Considering Adrian’s role in Lennon’s turning, this may be one of those rare occasions when Emelie overrides Xavier’s right to make a decision for himself.
“Of course not, you have a right to have a private life. I’m asking as your friend, not as your Queen. It seems like he’s really important to you.”
“It does seem like that, doesn’t it.” He doesn’t like the way the words feel in his mouth, how weighted the idea feels in his thoughts.
He phones the relevant real estate agents and arranges on-site inspections for himself and Emelie at several prospective properties. Her security has been increased, which makes getting anywhere a slower and more frustrating process than either of them would prefer, but for the time being it seems necessary.
During one of numerous hurry-up-and-wait pauses in their activities, Xavier finds himself thinking that he really should get Adrian a new phone, so that the two of them would be able to remain in touch while Xavier was out in the field.
No, what a ridiculous notion. If Adrian had a phone he’d cause an enormous amount of trouble, by calling someone for help or posting to social media about what Xavier has done to him.
Just because he hadn’t done so while Winter was there in the room with him, while Xavier and Emelie were so nearby, doesn’t mean he won’t otherwise.
This bitter reminder of just how unwilling a houseguest Adrian is is somewhat undercut when Xavier gets home a few hours later.
The apartment is fragrant with the scent of cooking, and Adrian sits at the table with only a few remaining mouthfuls of a meal left on his plate.
“Decided I should make use of some of the ingredients you left me,” he explains. “I didn’t make anything fancy, just lamb kebabs. I figured I should go for something iron-rich, to make up for all the blood donations I’ve been making lately.”
“That’s probably wise.”
“Yeah, I have my moments.” Adrian finishes his last bite and settles back contentedly. “I think I’ve eaten more meat here than I have in the last year. Honestly I’m a little surprised that I haven’t had some unprecedented early-20s growth spurt because of all the extra nutrients.”
“You’re a vegetarian? I would have accommodated that preference in the food I brought you, if you had said so.”
“Nah, nah, not me, the guy I share a flat with,” Adrian assures him. “I can take it or leave it with meat. I don’t really care. We were kind of a rice-and-beans-and-ramen household growing up, you know? Anything that’s got actual discernible parts of an animal, or a vegetable that hasn’t been canned or dried at some point, is fancy food in my eyes.”
Adrian picks up the plate and begins to carry it through to the kitchen to rinse it off, continuing to talk. He clearly assumes that Xavier will follow him as he moves between rooms.
Xavier could hear him even without following, of course, but follows anyway.
“It’s boring not being able to talk to you while you’re out doing your stuff,” Adrian says as he washes his dinner things. “I’d totally behave if you gave me a phone, you know. Texting you, downloading books, and playing games, that’d be the extent of it.”
“If you logged onto social media from a new location, anyone currently looking for you might use that to find you.”
That earns another of Adrian’s bright, guileless laughs. “Who do you think is looking for me, exactly? The bookshop will just think I’m too sick to call in sick, because that happens in the cold sometimes. My immune system’s kinda trash, and I don’t have heating in my apartment, so they’re used to me sometimes disappearing for days at this time of year.
“My brother won’t notice I’ve fallen off the face of the earth until I miss giving him a present for at least two birthdays in a row, and even then it’s debatable whether he’d care enough to do anything about the fact. Trust me, I’m a perfect victim.”
The last words sound surprisingly sincere and bitter after the cheerful rambling of the rest of the answer. Xavier clears his throat.
“You said you’d ‘totally behave,’ but I’m not certain you even know what that means. You certainly don’t seem to know how to be quiet.”
“Yeah, but I’m allowed to lock up the shelter when I’m the last volunteer there for the evening. Gotta have at least some good in me for them to trust me with all those puppies and kittens, right?”
Xavier smiles despite himself, but for heaven’s sake, Adrian works with fluffy rescue animals. What makes Xavier think he’s got any kind of right to keep him in the dark underworld like this?
Frowning, he turns away.
22
ADRIAN
“What’s wrong?” Adrian asks, trying not to let confusion curdle into hurt at the way Xavier turned from warm to cold so quickly, the frown on his face as he’d looked away from Adrian.
A beat of time passes before Xavier answers.
“It isn’t you. It’s… it’s not you, Adrian. It’s this world that I’m a part of. You fought so hard to get out of it and now I’ve dragged you back in. You’re crazy to even speak a friendly word to a monster like me.”
He goes into his study and shuts the door, putting a firm end on the conversation.
Adrian washes up everything from dinner, the sting of the rejection lingering. No, it’s not just the rejection, it’s how true the words felt, as well. Xavier’s right. He must be crazy.
He chooses a random movie to watch and sits in front of it, barely even aware of what’s happening on the screen as his thoughts swirl stormily in his head.
His life had been so lonely before this. Adrian hadn’t been depressed or anything, it was just kind of… well, it was just life. Most people just get on with existing, right? They don’t feel super-happy or super-terrible most of the time.
Adrian’s life had been like that, maybe a little smaller and emptier than other people’s, but not to a level that was pathetic or anything. He loved working at the bookshop and helping at the shelter. He and the guy he split the rent with got along fine, so long as Adrian didn’t bring meat or eggs or whatever home too often.
He and his brother got together on holidays when they could manage it, and had a bottle of wine together, and tried to remember happy stories from when they’d been kids.
He’d been lonely, obviously, but he’d always assumed it was mostly in that existential way that everyone was lonely, deep down. The hole in the heart that came from being alone in your head, the human condition, all that stuff. Adrian had never considered himself to be, like, lonely in a way where he would be able to feel some other way someday.
But spending time with Xavier had made that loneliness fade. Being stuck chained to a bed without anything to read had been boring, but boring wasn’t the same as lonely.
It was weird. Even at his most frightened, even when things had seemed like they were going to end up with his death or worse, something in Adrian had known it was going to be all right.
Something in him had recognized Xavier in that pizza joint, not just in a ‘oh shit, you’re a vampire’ way but in a strange ‘oh, hello, I know you’ way that didn’t make any sense. How could you know someone at first sight like that?
But that’s what it had felt like.
23
XAVIER
To: Emelie
From: Xavier
Here are the agreements that need your electronic signature. I apologize that it took so long to get them to you, I will try to make the remainder of my evening more productive.
Regards,
Xavier
To: Xavier
From: Emelie
i asked you for them 20 minutes ago. only you would think that’s unproductive. also you don’t need to apologize for being unproductive. fields have gotta lie fallow in order to bear fruit.
countersigned docs attached!
To: Emelie
From: Xavier
As if you know anything about fields lying fallow, or anything else about farming. You were a teenage mall rat who lived in a double-wide in the suburbs with her dad and a pet dog.
Regards,
Xavier
To: Xavier
From: Emelie
a queen must be knowledgeable about all things.
To: Emelie
From: Xavier
You’re so full of shit.
Regards,
Xavier
Whether Emelie thinks so or not, Xavier is feeling extremely unproductive. Even though he knows it’s the only conscionable thing to do, rejecting Adrian’s open warmth makes him feel terrible. All the young man wants is for a kind rapport between them, a little bit of friendship.
But Xavier needs to be in control. That’s why he’s useful to Emelie, because he can make sure things run smoothly and without complications.
Allowing himself to grow closer to Adrian would be the opposite of being in control.
To: Emelie
From: Xavier
I’m going to be away from my computer for a brief time. Please phone me if you need anything urgently.
Regards,
Xavier
To: Xavier
From: Emelie
np ;)
Adrian is piloting one of the remote controls when Xavier comes in, selecting a film off the Disney service on the television.
“Oh, hey. I was gonna watch Lilo and Stitch, is that okay? It’s one of my favorite movies, but if it’ll be a distraction or whatever I can stick with reading.”
His tone is cheerful and chatty, as if they’d last spoken on normal, friendly terms.
Xavier knows he should feel lucky that Adrian doesn’t hold a grudge for his curt words, but instead he just feels unworthy.
“You know, you should think about digital preservation for your photos,” Adrian goes on, putting the remote down instead of selecting the film. “There’s
never any telling when something might happen to physical stuff — it might get lost or damaged any time, you know?”
“Only nothing is eternal,” Xavier quotes. It’s one of his favorite lines of poetry.
Adrian gives a snort, his intention to watch a movie clearly forgotten already. “Okay, technically correct, but I’m not talking about existential entropy or the inevitability of the heat death of the universe here, I’m just saying it would suck if your photos got water damage or something and you hadn’t made electronic copies.
“Also, it’s pretty rich for a vampire to claim that he’s lazy about archival practices because of some profundity in decay when you’re, you know, stuck the same age forever.”
“Perhaps,” Xavier allows.
Adrian’s grin falls away, replaced by a scowl. “You’re still on your self-pity kick, huh? You think I’m some kind of lunatic for even talking to you and shit. You think I should be begging to be let go, here against my will.”
He stands up, stepping closer to Xavier, hands balled into angry fists at his sides. “Well… if all I’m good for is being a blood bag then use me as one already!”
Xavier’s mouth floods with saliva at the temptation. “Is that what you want?” he asks thickly.
“Why are you asking? Why do you care?” Adrian shouts, voice wavering plaintively.
Xavier snarls, grabbing a handful of Adrian’s hair and maneuvering his head to one side, leaving the smooth skin of his throat exposed.
Instead of flinching in response, Adrian grabs Xavier’s hair in return, shoving him down towards the bared skin.
“What’s the hold up, you fucking coward?” Adrian grits out furiously. “That’s the point of all this, isn’t it?”